How do you really feel?

Everyone asks me how I’m feeling, more so lately because of being pregnant and my answer is always “I’m great, feeling fine just a bit tired” and yes I might be a bit tired  but it’s mostly a lie. So it got me thinking.

I don’t open up a lot about how I actually feel. Im one of those shove it all down and hope it goes away kind of people. I know I’m not the only one that does this. But the reality is, it doesn’t go away.

This isn’t specifically a pregnancy related feeling. I think the fact that I am pregnant and have all of these extra hormones this feeling is just heightened and made more of an issue.

Since I was very young I have worried about everything! Things other people wouldn’t even know could be worried about. I stress and let silly things get to me. I over analyse and I feel uncomfortable in lots of situations.  Just anxious in general.

I suppose I don’t talk about it for fear of judgement which I know is a bit silly to think. A lot of people talk about anxiety and depression and that’s a good thing and great to make people more comfortable but it’s still hard to come out and share your own experience.

Another reason I haven’t said it to anyone at the minute is because I’m afraid people will completely take it up the wrong way and think this is all surfacing because I am unhappy about the pregnancy when its actually been at the surface for years. Or think ‘she should be grateful what does she have to be stressing about’ . I’m delighted and have wanted this for a long time and would have even liked it to happen sooner than now. I am grateful and so lucky. But my emotions about myself and how I feel is a separate issue. No matter what you’re happy about in your life anxiety has a way of making you feel not quite yourself at times.

Over the last while I’ve just come to breaking point and had to take some time out just for me. I didn’t feel as strong as I used to be. I suppose it wears you down after time. Even coming to the realisation that I needed a break and actually taking it was difficult because I made myself feel guilty and kept telling myself ‘I’ll be fine just forget about it’. Not a healthy thing to do by the way.

I just had the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. I would break down in tears or feel like I couldn’t cope with simple tasks. I wanted to hide myself.

I’ve stayed at home this week and it’s made such a difference already. I feel a bit more ‘recharged’. Just by doing simple things and eliminating all the rushing around. Taking time to enjoy life instead of worrying about things that are completely out of my control.

Life can get hard at times. Worrying about all these adult problem no one warns you about. Asking yourself if you’re doing a good enough job. As a mother, or partner or friend. It is exhausting and draining constantly worrying about what people are thinking of you.

We are hard on ourselves. We are probably our biggest critic. We judge ourselves and we do a lot of the time, compare ourselves to others. Does anyone else makes themselves feel guilty? Or say to themselves ‘I should be doing more’?. It’s not a nice feeling to put yourself under pressure or make yourself feel essentially not good enough.

If you are in a situation in your life that makes you unhappy you are the only one who can change it and don’t feel any shame what’s so ever for doing that.

Self love is important. Something I think a lot of us don’t do enough. We have the opinion that it’s selfish or instead of treating ourselves we think we should treat others. But there is nothing wrong with wanting to make yourself feel better! You need to be happy and honestly when you are actually properly happy with yourself everyone else will be able see that.

You have to love yourself before you can love other people.

Needing to take a break to focus on your mental health or just your happiness in general does NOT make you weak. It makes you strong for realising it.

So mind yourself and make yourself a priority because if you don’t who is going to ?

xxx

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